sometimes.....
among those millions and billions of electric signals sent from one cell to other cells of my brain....
this one signal picked up by my mind leads me to think.......
that.... what if..... I die tomorrow.... would I be able to say...... I lived my life well enough to leave no regrets behind..........
and then......again.... the set of brain cells react... creating sea of electric signals.... that, at the end, send one signal.. or.... conclusion to my mind.......... that.... makes me to sigh......
this sigh...... that not only takes all the air out of my lungs..... but also carries this acknowlegedment of myself....puts this invisible burden on my shoulder....... which brings the feeling of vulnerability................ plunges me to this abyss of melancholy......
however... since the sea of electricity hasn't dried..... yet again... it sent me this message...
that..... I'm not dead yet........ and there's time given to me that hasn't used up.......
then......... there's light coming to me.... in the name of hope...and dream.... my will....
which tells me to live my life as if I was to die tomorrow..... then..........
although I might have lived my life meaninglessly...... there's still another time to make up for it....... in which...... I would... and should put all means of life into........ to make my life worth living........
I recall this saying.............. "once you reach the bottom of abyss of sorrow.... and pain.... there's only one thing left for you..... the hope..... since you've seen the bottom.... there's only one thing left to see... the top..... which gives you the hope and courage..."
well.... guess that's all I would put on this entry.......
there was no particular reason to talk about what I've been talking about....
just that.... I had this thought long time ago..... and felt like writing it down...
haha
Take care
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